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AUGUST ISSUE

What's in a Break Up Letter

Breaking up can be really difficult, especially when you still care deeply about the person, but feel like you do not have a future together as a couple. Sometimes it is easiest to put your feelings down in a letter, before or instead of talking to your significant other in person.

A letter can be a better option for breaking up when you feel like your boyfriend or girlfriend will overpower the conversation, not give you a chance to fully explain what you are feeling or if you are too nervous to confront him or her directly. I still recommend having a conversation after you give your ex the letter, but before you start writing there are a few things you should consider.

Keep in mind that whatever you put down on paper, you cannot take back. Written words are also far more powerful than spoken words, because you have more time to think them over, and so does the person reading them. They will never go away and the last thing you want to do is to poorly express your feelings.

So what should you put down in a break up letter? First let's discuss what you should not write down:

Never swear or name-call. No matter how angry you are with your soon-to-be-ex, you should stay above that. Name calling also falls in the category of "possible regrets" later on when the anger wears off. You don't want your ex keeping a memento of your worst, angriest moments.

Do be honest, be honest about your feelings and how the relationship has affected you. Don't use cliches, avoid phrases like "it's not you, it's me", instead explain why.

Don't keep the worst for last, it is nerve wrecking to read through ten pages of text, without really knowing what is going on until the P.S. at the end! On that note; don't make the letter too long without leaving anything important out. A safe two pages should be fine, it gives you enough room to write how you feel, why you feel that way and the reason you are breaking up. It also prevents you from going in circles and beating around the bush or repeating yourself.

One important feature of a break up letter is an explanation of why you chose to write a letter. Is it because you feel you have more clarity, more time to put your thoughts down, or afraid you may break into tears? Whatever the reason, your ex has a right to know why you chose this route, considering it is not the most personal way of talking to each other. On a similar note, never ever ever write an email or even type a break up letter. Even if your handwriting stinks, typing is too impersonal.

Whatever you write in your break up letter, make sure to keep it true, fair and respectful. You are in a unique situation, and perhaps you are angry, disappointed or just sad. Whatever your emotion, try to capture it the best you can. Write until it is out of your system, even if you may not give your ex all the pages.

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