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Breaking the Addiction to Our (Ex) Partners
Being 'addicted' to an ex partner has everything
to do with familiarity. They have been there for probably enough time to
get under your skin. You share jokes with each other, you may even share
a language nobody else understands. You just have to look at each other and
know what the other person is thinking. However, you just can't make the
relationship work. Either you are still too different, have different goals
in life, or other obstacles stand in your way.
Either way, most of us can say we get into a
situation at times where we form an addiction of a sort to our ex partners.
We keep thinking about them, seek them out and even get back together, just
to realize why you were not together anymore shortly after. The circle can
continue itself for a while after, for some people until they meet someone
There are ways of breaking the spell with your
ex though. One of them is harder than it sounds: take distance! Agree not
to call each other for a while and give each other space. You need to focus
on yourself without being tempted back into the familiarity trap.
| Get a hobby
This is an often ignored given. Focusing on
a, preferably new, hobby or activity does not only distract you, it get's
you exposed to a completely new social circle.
Meeting new people can expand your horizons
and is very healthy when you are going through a breakup-grieving process.
It is by no means meant as a way for you to meet someone new to date! You
need to give yourself some time first and stay away from the rebound
relationships. However, meeting new people does bring a spark back into life
itself, and may keep you from going back to your old familiar routine (with
your ex!) when "new life" is calling.
| Make a list
Compile a list of reasons why you should not
go back to your ex. This is not meant as a way of dishonoring the good you
had, or making him/her look bad. It is rather a way of reminding yourself
why you are better off in your current, unfamiliar, new situation. If you
were the one dumped, still try to make this list. If the relationship ended,
it was not working out for some reason, and you would probably be able to
recognize or at least acknowledge some of those reasons.
Spend time with friends
Looking up old, and new, friends will keep your
social agenda filled. The least amount of time you spend moping on your couch
the better! Staring at a TV screen or just being lonely and miserable will
tempt you to invite your ex to come over and share the misery with you. They
will probably not do that, but instead they will either reject you (making
you feel worse), or be just as tempted and you could find yourself in and
out of the old relationship. Not a healthy situation by far!
You may also want to read How to
Get Over a Breakup.
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