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AUGUST ISSUE

Breaking the Addiction to Our (Ex) Partners

Being 'addicted' to an ex partner has everything to do with familiarity. They have been there for probably enough time to get under your skin. You share jokes with each other, you may even share a language nobody else understands. You just have to look at each other and know what the other person is thinking. However, you just can't make the relationship work. Either you are still too different, have different goals in life, or other obstacles stand in your way.

Either way, most of us can say we get into a situation at times where we form an addiction of a sort to our ex partners. We keep thinking about them, seek them out and even get back together, just to realize why you were not together anymore shortly after. The circle can continue itself for a while after, for some people until they meet someone new.

There are ways of breaking the spell with your ex though. One of them is harder than it sounds: take distance! Agree not to call each other for a while and give each other space. You need to focus on yourself without being tempted back into the familiarity trap.

Get a hobby

This is an often ignored given. Focusing on a, preferably new, hobby or activity does not only distract you, it get's you exposed to a completely new social circle.

Meeting new people can expand your horizons and is very healthy when you are going through a breakup-grieving process. It is by no means meant as a way for you to meet someone new to date! You need to give yourself some time first and stay away from the rebound relationships. However, meeting new people does bring a spark back into life itself, and may keep you from going back to your old familiar routine (with your ex!) when "new life" is calling.

Make a list

Compile a list of reasons why you should not go back to your ex. This is not meant as a way of dishonoring the good you had, or making him/her look bad. It is rather a way of reminding yourself why you are better off in your current, unfamiliar, new situation. If you were the one dumped, still try to make this list. If the relationship ended, it was not working out for some reason, and you would probably be able to recognize or at least acknowledge some of those reasons.

Spend time with friends

Looking up old, and new, friends will keep your social agenda filled. The least amount of time you spend moping on your couch the better! Staring at a TV screen or just being lonely and miserable will tempt you to invite your ex to come over and share the misery with you. They will probably not do that, but instead they will either reject you (making you feel worse), or be just as tempted and you could find yourself in and out of the old relationship. Not a healthy situation by far!

You may also want to read How to Get Over a Breakup.

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