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AUGUST ISSUE

Relationship Problems: Top Ten Reasons Why Relationships End

1. Sexual Incompatibility

Sex is a huge part of any relationship, even if you are not having it! Imagine you are determined to wait until you sleep with someone until you get at least engaged or married. Your new partner completely disagrees and does not feel strongly enough for you to wait. Well, that pretty much marks the end of the relationship!

Similarly, sexual differences can create problems elsewhere in the relationship if they are not addressed. If you are more conservative than he is, and he feels repressed in return, then this may cause a serious rift in the relationship. Even perfect relationships can be ruined if these issues are not addressed. There is no rule that you should agree on everything, even the bedroom is a place for compromise, but you should at least address the differences. Your partner should never have to feel shortchanged for not getting something, or dirty for wanting something you don't.

2. Different relationship goals

He wants to get married, preferably to you and as fast as possible. You just don't see yourself walking down the aisle for a very long time. If your partner does not want to wait until you are ready, the relationship will likely not last. He will feel he is potentially wasting his time, and you feel pressured. Differences in relationship goals is a big reason people break up. Usually much sooner than the question of marriage comes up. All too often we hear a girlfriend tell us she would like to take the relationship to the next level, but the boyfriend has a serious case of commitment phobia.

3. Jealousy

Don't be jealous! Easier said than done, but another reason relationships fail is because either one or both are overly jealous. This gives your partner the feeling of being choked and controlled. He should be allowed to have female friends, like she should be allowed to have male pals. If you notice other people trying to flirt with your boyfriend or girlfriend, be happy rather than sad: you got yourself a good catch! Why would you want your partner to be unattractive to the opposite sex? This will not help your relationship! And if you feel the only way to keep your partner is by making sure other people don't want him or her, then you are already on a slippery slope.

4. Boring and Predictable

The relationship is stuck in a rut, you do the same things over and over again without any change. The initial excitement of the relationship will not stick forever, but then you have to work at it by mixing it up a bit! Do something out of the ordinary together! Go rock climbing if you've never done it before. Be spontaneous and work at making your relationship unpredictable.

5. Not doing what worked in the first place

At first you really got to him, instead of asking yourself why you don't elicit the same effect anymore, ask yourself what you are doing differently. Are you still dressing up for your dates? Making suggestive jokes? If those made him laugh before and excited him, then perhaps reverting to sweat pants and a cranky attitude is not going to do the job!

6. Nagging

Both men and women are good at this one, although the stereotype is centered mostly on women. Nagging is a funny thing; because it is meant to get someone to action, but usually only achieves the opposite effect. So next time that naggy little voice comes up in your head, beat it down and instead of nagging ask your partner nicely and then let it go. If they are not going mow the lawn anyways nagging is not going to change it!

7. Clinging

Emotional dependence and clinging is fatal for a relationship. Everyone needs their space and their own social life. Making your partner the only social life you have, and clinging on tighter than you would to a life vest in open sea, is detrimental. Let go, you will get more out of the relationship by doing so.

8. Different cultural background

Culture can be a big hurdle for relationships. Our background and culture determine how we relate to each other and can also determine the way we communicate. Having very different cultures and attitudes towards relationships, family and society can cause a lot of issues within the relationship.

9. Different belief systems

If you have no religious affiliations whatsoever, and he does or visa versa, this can create some friction in a relationship. Even when we are supportive of our partner's beliefs, it can be hard to understand their reasoning. In fact, sometimes it can lead to heavy discussions and insults. A good friend of mine is a Christian, her long term boyfriend is so secular you could almost call him an Atheist. He would regularly proclaim that certain beliefs were narrow minded, stupid and old fashioned. She never asked him to share her beliefs, but she certainly did not invite insult either! When you do have different beliefs, it is important to respect each other and support each other in them. Find some common ground, and explain why you believe or do not believe certain things. Otherwise it is unlikely the relationship will survive.

10. Social pressure

Do your friends or family disapprove of your relationship? Even though it is your relationship, and all that should matter is your happiness, social disapproval can be a big determining factor in a breakup. Everyone wants harmony in their lives, and if they are constantly defending their relationship in front of friends and relatives, it get's tiring and can also cause serious friction between the couple.

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