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AUGUST ISSUE |
| When Your
Ex Girlfriend Starts Dating Someone New: Why It Hurts So Much and How We
can Handle the Pain
So your ex is dating someone new. This can bring
back a lot of memories and a lot of pain. Seeing someone you loved and were
intimate with happy with someone else is tremendously painful. Mostly because
it reminds us of what we have lost, and because it emphasizes that your ex
moved on, yet you haven't been able to do that yet.
Everyone needs some time to get over a past
love, and this time varies for everyone. When you are still dealing with
unresolved feelings of pain or anger, seeing your ex happy and lovey-dovey
is not exactly helpful for your own healing process.
The reality is, your ex girlfriend is a free
woman, if she is dealing with her pain by going out on rebound dates or feels
she met 'the one', then that is her right. You however do not have to stand
by and watch. The fact that you know she is going out with someone
new suggests that either you are still in touch, share the same group of
friends or community, or live in a very very small town. Instead of focusing
on her new love and dating habits, you need to focus on yourself. You need
to take distance from her, otherwise you will never get over the pain! |
|
|
| Sometimes we cannot completely
avoid someone, if you for example belong to the same church congregation
or the same rowing club you are bound to run into each other. However, you
can create as much space as possible. If you were going to stay friends,
tell your ex girlfriend that you want to avoid her for a while so you can
deal with your feelings. You are just not ready yet to be friends if seeing
her with someone else hurts you. Avoid these situations as much as you can
though. Try a new hobby or sport and meet a new group of people instead of
only spending time with the same people you spent time with as a couple.
That only brings back memories and awakens the pain you are going
through.
Getting past the pain has a lot to do with moving
on yourself. I am not suggesting you should date someone before you get over
your girlfriend, because that would be unhealthy for you, and unfair to the
person you are dating. You do need to force yourself to let go. And if you
and your ex decided to stay friends, now is not the time. Also tell your
friends to avoid the "ex topic", you are probably thinking enough about her
without your friends making it worse by continuously focusing your attention
on your lost love. You need as much mental and physical space as possible,
not to ignore the pain but rather to avoid focusing too much on it. |
|
| Store mementos from the relationship
away. Put all pictures, gifts and reminders in a box and store it away in
a closet or your attic. Where ever you cannot see it! One day you can fondly
look back and see them again, but now they will only hurt you.
Try to find out exactly why it hurts so much:
is it because you lost someone you loved, or is it because you lost this
particular woman? Sometimes when a relationship is not what it should be
anymore, and one person decides to break up, both just miss having someone
special in their lives. The feeling is however not tied to that one particular
person, because that wasn't working out anyways, right? Once you can identify
if what you are missing is someone special, instead of this particular
person, then you can more easily get over your ex girlfriend. After all,
it would not be her specifically you are missing, you just miss what she
represented in your life. Making a list of your ex girlfriend's bad traits,
or areas in which you were completely incompatible can also help you focus
your energy on finding someone who is compatible with you in the future.
Realizing you broke up for good reason, and realizing you may just miss
someone in your life, allows you to move on and eventually meet that
special person. A person who will be perfect for you.
For more information about a man holding his
own power over women (and his life) please read
Why Women Love Bastards,
by Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru. |
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