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JULY ISSUE

Why a Breakup Creates a False Sense of Neediness In All of Us

When you break up from a romantic and intimately close relationship, the feelings of confusion, anger, anxiety, anguish, abandonment, loneliness and worthlessness cloud your mind. You feel an emotional vacuum or void that pulls you in deeper sorrow and as a result, a false sense of neediness arises. You want something that can smoothen the creases of the heart and makes you feel better. The low self-esteem in these difficult times comes out as an unexplained need.

After a breakup you need something that can give you a high. Some vent it out by getting some sex via one-nighters; get into unsuitable rebound relationships; indulge in compulsive food binging; excessively engage in drugs or alcohol; or go on shopping sprees that would put Donald Trump in the poor house! The pain is so deeply imbedded in your soul that it is difficult to accept the fact that the love of your life is no more a part of your life. As a result, you look for substitutes to take their place and this feeling translates into a false sense of neediness. You want something or someone so badly that you don't really stop and ask why. You just feel this 'urgency' to be pacified, and that creates an illusional image of your ex being far more important to your life than they actually are.

The feelings of helplessness, anger, or frustration result from your inability to win back your mate. You are in fragile state of mind and want a relief from this unwanted vulnerability wherein people can see through your mask of emotions.
The best way to seek revenge from an ex, who cheated on you or dumped you, is to live well and grow over your sorrows. To accomplish this you need to be in good company - which is sometimes hard to come by! So, unless you have a really terrific support network, your empty sense of neediness weighs on you. You will feel consumed by such an intense yearning to belong 'somewhere' and a have deep desire to find another relationship - one that soothes you from the feelings of vulnerability and masks your inability to get on with your life.

You may feel physically deprived and you may crave sex badly. A breakup from a physically intimate relationship is worse because you may not only feel abandoned emotionally but you may also feel that possibly you did not satisfy your partner physically. Therefore, to reassure your self-worth to yourself you yearn to get into a new physically intimate relationship without weighing the repercussions.

Those who binge when they undergo a breakup are only trying to fill the emotional void by transferring it physically into the act of eating. The real hunger is of emotions and love - not food. On the other hand there are those who throw themselves into their work and set moneymaking as their ultimate escape from misery. This is, again, a way to fill the gap created by loss of love.

The false sense of neediness is nothing but our attempt to escape from misery. We do not want to face or accept the reality and as a result we look for ways that can help us stay away from it. It is simple denial. By not facing the facts of your relationship breakup, you are bound to be attached to the emotional pain for a very long time.
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