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JULY ISSUE

Will Women EVER Be Happy With Their Men? How Women Chase Their Men Away
(By Tigress Luv)

A common problem between the sexes is the way each views their relationships.

As a woman I have noticed that my female friends rag more than brag about their men, or men in general, and they do this in almost every conversation. Men don't do this! Why? Well, some would say it is because men don't discuss their personal lives, their feelings, their emotions, or their intimate relationships. But that's not true! So why is it that women rag about their men, and men talk about sports, tell jokes, and discuss things—anything—other than their relationships, or women in general?

Because men don't focus inside, they focus outside. Men see the world around them—women feel the world within them.

Women are very emotional creatures (don't you just love 'em?). Men see the world through reason and logic—they systemize, while women feel the world through emotions and feelings—they empathize. Women have always been credited with having an inordinate amount of intuition, or 'gut feelings', but it really is just a heightened awareness of their 'feeling' senses, being so emotionally in tune to everything around them.

I remember years ago taking part in a witness accuracy test. The 'Witness Test' was an attempt to test the reliability of witness's testimony in the courtroom, or related to the law at the actual scene of the crime. The test consisted of a film and a questionnaire. The film was a short clip of a crime taking place. They showed the film to both men and women, then they passed out the 'Witness Questionnaire'. The questionnaire had various questions about the scene, such as what color shirt was the man wearing; how tall was the man; any tattoos; facial features, such as did he have facial hair, or a big nose; what was his body build; what state was the license on the car registered to; etc; as well as place for the person to write a brief report describing what he or she had witnessed. Invariably the men scored very high in given accurate details—but the women, ugh! They remembered feelings and emotions... "I felt frightened" "He was sweating" "The victim was crying" "It all happened so fast, but I think he looked very mean" "She was scared, I wanted to hold her and comfort her" "I felt sorry for her"...

....Women feel or sense the world around them and men watch or observe the world around them...

....That's why women's emotional needs are very, very high, and why men may 'notice' these needs, but they notice it purely on an 'observer' level, and not on an understanding or empathetic level.

For the most part, though, men tend to deal with their unpleasant emotions by—not denial—but by looking beyond them, whereas women get caught up in the web of emotions. A good example of what I am getting at is in these quotes: "The rung of a ladder was never meant to rest upon, but only to support you long enough to enable you to reach for something higher" (by Thomas Henry Huxley). This quote is suitable for men. Not for women! Here would be a more defined quote for a woman: "Life is not advancement. It is growth. It does not move upward, but expands outward, in all directions." (by Russell G. Alexander). See, women aspire to go 'deeper' whereas men aspire to reach 'higher'. Success to a woman is to delve inward, explore, and then take this exploration outward and touch the world around her. Success to a man would be to see higher and not let anything inward or outward impede his upward climb. Women need to delve inward to see outward (translate to feel). Women sense their environment. Men need to look beyond and upward in order to envision their summit (translate to see). Men envision their environment.

A man's number one priority is to achieve status, which he needs independence in order to achieve. Whereas, opposing that, a woman's number one priority is to achieve involvement, which she needs connectivity in order to achieve. This creates an ongoing battle between the sexes.

The problem arises when women obsess over the details of a man's actions and behavior. Women's ever-rationalizing minds are always trying to make things more significant than they really are. They are continuously looking for certain patterns, reasons, and explanations to everything man does, and they put an over abundance of importance to each word said, falsely believing that man's every action means something significant and profound. This is why they sometimes mistake something a man does as a 'sign' that something is amiss in his life, with his feelings for her, or in their relationship itself. A simple afternoon of him going off fishing to her may mean that he doesn't want to be around her, or that he is unhappy in the relationship—but to him, hey, he just went fishing. Whereas she is at home dwelling, and obsessing, and fearing over his 'motives' to go fishing, he is just out 'fishing'. By the time he gets back from fishing she is waiting for him, all emotional—possibly either sad or angry. She may even request that they have a 'talk' about their relationship 'problems', and this utterly confuses him. What problems? He didn't know they had problems! And then he starts complaining, as all men do, that women are too 'emotional', and she will start complaining, as all women do, that men are insensitive.

See a man's relationship just 'exists' to him. It's just 'there'. He doesn't have to think about it, he doesn't need to dwell on it, and he definitely doesn't feel the need to 'analyze' it to death. But she does. Her relationship is her whole world and so she must make sure it is perfect. So she obsesses and dwells and analyzes and scrutinizes and examines and worries and so on and so on—to its death. She can't ever just 'let it be'.

To a man a relationship is just something that he is in, not doing or having. To a woman her relationship takes on an entity of its own. It becomes a living, breathing appendage of her, much like an offspring would be, and she must watch it very carefully and tend to it constantly to keep her 'child' alive.

A funny thing happens while she is obsessing over him and their relationship, and possibly—out of fear—reading simple things like his fishing one afternoon, as a sign that things are going wrong. She starts to feel like it's all falling apart! So she then begins to feel 'incomplete', unattractive, and insecure. Another funny thing happens, too, when a woman obsesses and dwells over her partner and her relationship: The more she dwells on it, the more 'power' she gives both to her partner and to her relationship. And then the more dependent she becomes on them. When something begins to have so much power (to her), she thinks of it as being far more important to her survival than it really is. This dependency—coupled with her feelings of incompleteness, unattractiveness, and insecurity—causes her to become needy and clingy, and constantly unhappy with the relationship... whereas she then starts striving to 'fix' him or their relationship. Which, ironically, can often times be the actual cause and true onset of relationship problems. Most men will not be too happy with a partner that lacks self-esteem and is too dependent; needy; suffocating; clingy; insecure; complaining; or emotionally volatile. These are men's biggest turn-offs!

And what does she do if she does get a good man? Out of fear of losing him, she becomes hypervigilant to him. She starts finding faults and flaws in him and begins her 'fixing' program. She feels that more power will be added to her self-esteem and ego if she can 'fix' him. Thus, the huge attraction to the 'bad boy' image. So now we know that most women do obsess over their men, and their relationships, and that therefore they have a constant need to fix and improve their men. But what really is happening here is that basically, and unknowingly, she is giving out the signal to her man that she is 'unhappy' with him, and that who he is isn't good enough; or that he is wrong; bad; flawed; or faulty. So now we have a man who is with a women that is not only 'over emotional', but also needy, nagging, clingy, and telling him that who he is is wrong! And she let's him know that she is unhappy. Unfortunately, a man's primary relationship goal is to keep his women happy!  Her unhappiness makes him feel even more like a failure—when he is around her!

While many women are lacking in self-esteem it is mostly because women feel they need to be in a relationship with a perfect and doting man in order to be 'successful' in their lives. They need these two things to feel good about themselves and their 'achievements'. Unfortunately, nobody has ever told them that they really don't need a man to feel good about themselves, they just need to become more aware of—and in control of—their emotions.

And that, my friends, is how some women chase their men away.

Article by Tigress Luv - An Exclusive Writer for Breakup Magazine

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