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| Will Women EVER
Be Happy With Their Men? How Women Chase Their Men Away
(By Tigress Luv)
A common problem between the sexes
is the way each views their relationships.
As a woman I have noticed that
my female friends rag more than brag about their men, or men in general,
and they do this in almost every conversation. Men don't do this! Why? Well,
some would say it is because men don't discuss their personal lives, their
feelings, their emotions, or their intimate relationships. But that's not
true! So why is it that women rag about their men, and men talk about sports,
tell jokes, and discuss thingsanythingother than their
relationships, or women in general?
Because men don't focus inside,
they focus outside. Men see the world around themwomen feel the
world within them.
Women are very
emotional creatures (don't you just love 'em?). Men see the world through
reason and logicthey systemize, while women feel
the world through emotions and feelingsthey
empathize. Women have always been credited with having
an inordinate amount of intuition, or 'gut feelings', but it really is just
a heightened awareness of their 'feeling' senses, being so emotionally in
tune to everything around them.
I remember years ago taking part
in a witness accuracy test. The 'Witness Test' was an attempt to test the
reliability of witness's testimony in the courtroom, or related to the law
at the actual scene of the crime. The test consisted of a film and a
questionnaire. The film was a short clip of a crime taking place. They showed
the film to both men and women, then they passed out the 'Witness Questionnaire'.
The questionnaire had various questions about the scene, such as what color
shirt was the man wearing; how tall was the man; any tattoos; facial features,
such as did he have facial hair, or a big nose; what was his body build;
what state was the license on the car registered to; etc; as well as place
for the person to write a brief report describing what he or she had witnessed.
Invariably the men scored very high in given accurate detailsbut the
women, ugh! They remembered feelings and emotions... "I felt
frightened" "He was sweating" "The victim was crying" "It all happened so
fast, but I think he looked very mean" "She was scared, I wanted to hold
her and comfort her" "I felt sorry for her"...
....Women feel or
sense the world around them and men watch or observe
the world around them...
....That's why women's emotional
needs are very, very high, and why men may 'notice' these needs, but
they notice it purely on an 'observer' level, and not on an understanding
or empathetic level.
|For the most part, though,
men tend to deal with their unpleasant emotions bynot denialbut
by looking beyond them, whereas women get caught up in the web of
emotions. A good example of what I am getting at is in these quotes: "The
rung of a ladder was never meant to rest upon, but only to support you long
enough to enable you to reach for something higher" (by Thomas Henry
Huxley). This quote is suitable for men. Not for women! Here would be a more
defined quote for a woman: "Life is not advancement. It is growth. It
does not move upward, but expands outward, in all directions." (by Russell
G. Alexander). See, women aspire to go 'deeper' whereas men aspire to reach
'higher'. Success to a woman is to delve inward, explore, and then
take this exploration outward and touch the world around her.
Success to a man would be to see higher and not let anything inward
or outward impede his upward climb. Women need to delve inward
to see outward (translate to feel). Women sense their
environment. Men need to look beyond and upward in order to envision
their summit (translate to see). Men envision their
A man's number one priority is
to achieve status, which he needs independence in order to achieve. Whereas,
opposing that, a woman's number one priority is to achieve involvement, which
she needs connectivity in order to achieve. This creates an ongoing battle
between the sexes.
The problem arises when women
obsess over the details of a man's actions and behavior. Women's
ever-rationalizing minds are always trying to make things more significant
than they really are. They are continuously looking for certain patterns,
reasons, and explanations to everything man does, and they put an over abundance
of importance to each word said, falsely believing that man's every action
means something significant and profound. This is why they sometimes mistake
something a man does as a 'sign' that something is amiss in his life, with
his feelings for her, or in their relationship itself. A simple afternoon
of him going off fishing to her may mean that he doesn't want to be around
her, or that he is unhappy in the relationshipbut to him, hey, he just
went fishing. Whereas she is at home dwelling, and obsessing, and fearing
over his 'motives' to go fishing, he is just out 'fishing'. By the time he
gets back from fishing she is waiting for him, all emotionalpossibly
either sad or angry. She may even request that they have a 'talk' about their
relationship 'problems', and this utterly confuses him. What problems? He
didn't know they had problems! And then he starts complaining, as all men
do, that women are too 'emotional', and she will start complaining, as all
women do, that men are insensitive.
See a man's relationship just 'exists'
to him. It's just 'there'. He doesn't have to think about it, he doesn't
need to dwell on it, and he definitely doesn't feel the need to 'analyze'
it to death. But she does. Her relationship is her whole world
and so she must make sure it is perfect. So she obsesses and dwells and analyzes
and scrutinizes and examines and worries and so on and so onto
its death. She can't ever just 'let it be'.
To a man a relationship is just
something that he is in, not doing or having. To a woman
her relationship takes on an entity of its own. It becomes a living, breathing
appendage of her, much like an offspring would be, and she must watch it
very carefully and tend to it constantly to keep her 'child'
A funny thing happens while she
is obsessing over him and their relationship, and possiblyout of
fearreading simple things like his fishing one afternoon, as a sign
that things are going wrong. She starts to feel like it's all falling apart!
So she then begins to feel 'incomplete', unattractive, and insecure. Another
funny thing happens, too, when a woman obsesses and dwells over her partner
and her relationship: The more she dwells on it, the more 'power' she gives
both to her partner and to her relationship. And then the more dependent
she becomes on them. When something begins to have so much power
(to her), she thinks of it as being far more important to her survival than
it really is. This dependencycoupled with her feelings of incompleteness,
unattractiveness, and insecuritycauses her to become needy and clingy,
and constantly unhappy with the relationship... whereas she then starts striving
to 'fix' him or their relationship. Which, ironically, can often times be
the actual cause and true onset of relationship problems. Most men will
not be too happy with a partner that lacks self-esteem and is too dependent;
needy; suffocating; clingy; insecure; complaining; or emotionally volatile.
These are men's biggest turn-offs!
And what does she do if she does
get a good man? Out of fear of losing him, she becomes hypervigilant to him.
She starts finding faults and flaws in him and begins her 'fixing' program.
She feels that more power will be added to her self-esteem and ego if
she can 'fix' him. Thus, the huge attraction to the 'bad boy' image.
So now we know that most women do obsess over their men, and their relationships,
and that therefore they have a constant need to fix and improve their men.
But what really is happening here is that basically, and unknowingly, she
is giving out the signal to her man that she is 'unhappy' with him, and that
who he is isn't good enough; or that he is wrong; bad; flawed; or faulty.
So now we have a man who is with a women that is not only 'over emotional',
but also needy, nagging, clingy, and telling him that who he is is
wrong! And she let's him know that she is unhappy. Unfortunately, a man's
primary relationship goal is to keep his women happy! Her unhappiness
makes him feel even more like a failurewhen he is around
While many women are lacking
in self-esteem it is mostly because women feel they need to be in a
relationship with a perfect and doting man in order to be 'successful'
in their lives. They need these two things to feel good about themselves
and their 'achievements'. Unfortunately, nobody has ever told them that they
really don't need a man to feel good about themselves, they just need to
become more aware ofand in control oftheir emotions.
And that, my friends, is how some
women chase their men away.
Article by Tigress Luv - An Exclusive
Writer for Breakup Magazine
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