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JULY ISSUE

The Nice Guy Image: Learn What First Impressions Can Instantly Turn Women Off

Little girls grow up listening to fairy tales about Prince Charming and the Knight in Shining Armor. They see their fathers as big strong men who will protect them from all the bad things in the world. And so these Cinderella 'wannabe's' end up looking for a man who is:

  • Strong enough to protect her from all the bad people in the world
  • Smart enough to make lots of money and give her everything she likes
  • Extremely handsome, kind, gentle and respectful toward women
  • Willing to kill a monster in a heartbeat but so gentle that he would never ever even make her cry
  • A fantastic and well-endowed lover who instantly turns her on

These women grow up thinking a man needs all of these qualities so that they can live happily ever after with him. In other words, she is looking for a creature that cannot exist.

Why? Because their fantasy man has no flaws, no weaknesses, no opinions - in others words no real substance as a human being. If such a creature did exist, he would bore most women to tears in just a few hours. Women don't realize that on a subconscious level they usually avoid men who remind them of Mr. Perfect. How's that? Because women view them as weak, and 'weak' translates into

  • not being able to protect her in the cave
  • not being able to keep the family safe from intruders
  • not being strong enough to hunt for food and feed her and their offspring
  • not being assertive enough to achieve goods that would provide her and the children with all their nesting needs.

So here's what women tell us are some specific behaviors that are sure to turn them off:

Fawning over us and acting like a lost puppy dog - remember we want a man who will protect us, not one we have to mother. Respect is a major component of a woman loving a man. We need to be able to respect you which means we need to see strength, decency, conviction and purpose in you.

Not making the first move - no matter who asks who to go out on a date, most women still want the guy to make the first move beyond that point. Women like to feel that we are desirable, and also that you are able to take charge in an emergency and get the job done right. If you want us, let us know.

Not letting us see your passions - we want a man who will bring out the inner passion in us and make us want him as much as he wants us. In other words, we want good sex and good sex requires your passion - for us.

Not expressing your opinions - we know you have them and they will eventually come out and we really do like to know what we are getting into before things progress to far.

Not being assertive - we want to know a man is capable of taking over a situation and keeping us safe. Assertiveness represents strength to us, and strength represents security. We need to see your assertive side - your 'take charge' side - and these observations may be had just by you doing simple things like getting a better table at a restaurant, or catching the mouse in the pantry.

Being too complacent, compliant, or trying to please us too much - we feel a strong attraction to a man who needs to be 'fixed'. It gives us something to work for and that keeps us hooked and attracted to the man. As Robin Norwood once summed it up so very well: "We find the unstable man exciting, the unreliable man challenging, the unpredictable man romantic, the immature man charming, the moody man mysterious. The angry man needs our understanding. The unhappy man needs our comforting. The inadequate man needs our encouragement, and the cold man needs our warmth. But we cannot "fix" a man who is fine just as he is."

Bottom Line: The Mr. Nice Guy image doesn't let us see who you really are. It scares us away and makes us feel that you wouldn't be able to 'save' us from the evil beast nor slay the dragon. We need to see who you really are - a man - because a woman wants a man who wants her, who turns her on, who is capable of protecting her, who can provide her and the children with a safe and comfortable 'cave', and who is a person she can respect and trust not to deliberately hurt her. In other words, she is looking for a strong and good friend with a benefits package.

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