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JULY ISSUE

Breakups Hurt Children, Too!

More than a million children a year have to experience their parents' divorce. They may not say it or express it but they do get deeply affected by this. breakups, parental separating and divorce can hurt children more than the separating parents. For kids it can be a deep-rooted and life long agony, which might take any turn of negative impact on the personality or take on life and relationships, especially romantic relationships. While many kids suffer from these problems all their life, most of them keep suffering their pain for too long into their own lives.

After the parents separate and the kids have to live with one of them, they feel deprived and abandoned. Many of these kids grow up to be individuals with low self-esteem and a reserved view of relationships. Even if the parent who does not get the custody of the children may continue to see them, the things may get better but not alight. The kids may still feel the void that can only be fulfilled by parents living together.

Given below are few of the most common problems that kids with broken family experience in their life:

1. Children have difficulty in having a normal relationship with either of their parents both the one that has custody and the one who comes only as a visitor.
2. As adults, they face problems in developing relationships. They have difficulty in dating and as a result they have fewer daters and unhappiness with dating partners.
3. When they grow up to marry, they often have less happy marital life and more affinity towards marital problems and divorces.
4. They have less social integration and smaller networks of friends and kin. Therefore, they have less community attachment.
5. They have poor psychological well-being and get easily stressed. Also, they have low self-esteem and are less satisfied with life.
Divorce and parental separation is not always a bad phase for kids in all the cases. It is better than living in the house where there is no peace of mind because of parental discord.

When the children see their parents fighting over them (child custody, visitation, child support), they may end up feeling responsible for the breakup and have that guilt gnawing them all their life.

Many parents after separation and getting their child's custody go overboard by pampering the child a little too much. This may only turn the child into a spoilt brat who sees problems as a foundation for greater happiness. Therefore, rather than finding solutions to problems, he/ she may contribute to aggravating them.

Things may get more complicated if the parents re-marry. The children find it difficult to cope with the new spouses of their parents and more so with the stepsiblings. It leaves a sour feeling amongst the members of the new family. The divided attention of parents towards the "new family members" elevates the feelings of abandonment and alienation that is fostered by their parents' breaking up.
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