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BREAKUPS MAGAZINE
HUMOR
HUMOR
Breakup Line of the month:
"You're beauty is
like that of a flower. I picked it last evening, but this morning I see that
it should have been kept in water overnight. I don't want it
anymore."
From the Late Show:
Top Ten Signs That Your Relationship Is Heading
For A Break-Up
10. Wakes up, rolls over and says, "Damn, you're
still here?"
9. She's just hired a pool boy...you don't have
a pool
8. You call her "Honey," she calls you "Numb
Nuts"
7. You overhear your wife on the phone saying,,
"How much to kill my husband?"
6. You come home to find her handling the UPS
guy's package
5. You've started sleeping in separate beds,
in separate houses, in separate time zones
4. You're so unhappy together that the only
thing that cheers you up is seeing the hilarious new movie "The Break-Up,"
now playing at a theater near you
3. You look back at the drunken, bottle-throwing
fights as "the good times"
2. At your backyard barbecue she refers to your
best friend as "Lover"......I mean "Larry"
1. Keeps asking, "Why can't you be more like
Vince Vaughn?"
How to
breakup with boyfriend - a user friendly guide
"Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage."
Ambrose Bierce.
"There is one thing I would break up over and
that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that."
Steve Martin.
Funny breakup
card
NEW YORK
(AP) -- Just like J.Lo and Ben, the romance is over for Barbie and Ken.
After 43 years as one of the world's prettiest
pairs, the perfect plastic couple is breaking up. The couple's "business
manager," Russell Arons, vice president of marketing at Mattel, said that
Barbie and Ken "feel it's time to spend some quality time -- apart."
"Like other celebrity couples, their Hollywood
romance has come to an end," said Arons, who quickly added that the duo "will
remain friends."
Arons denied that there was any truth to rumors
that the breakup was linked to the Cali (as in California) Girl Barbie, arriving
in stores now. To better reflect her single status, Cali Barbie will wear
board shorts and a bikini top, metal hoop earrings, and have a deeper tan.
This new style already has attracted a new admirer,
Blaine the Australian boogie boarder.
Barbie -- the most popular fashion doll in the
world, according to toy maker Mattel -- met Ken on the set of a TV commercial
in 1961, and they have been inseparable ever since.
Arons hinted Wednesday that the separation may
be partially due to Ken's reluctance to getting married. All those bridal
Barbie dolls in toy chests around the globe are really just examples of Barbie's
wishful thinking, she explained.
Another possible factor is Barbie's career.
The doll who was "born" Barbie Millicent Roberts in 1959 has been everything
from a rock star to military medic, and she's currently marketed in more
than 150 countries. According to Mattel, every second, three Barbie dolls
are sold somewhere in the world.
So where does that leave Ken? Said Arons: "He
will head for other waves."
Source: CNN
NOTE: After a long night drinking, rehashing
his relationships with women, and overthinking his new single status,
Ken has decided to start dating GI
Joe |
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Geek Break
Up Lines
11. (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail? R
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail? R
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail? F
Relationship failed.
10. Now that Half Life 2 is out, I need to refocus
my priorities.
9. You have been unsubscribed from my dating
list. Please click this link to confirm.
8. I need a lover who understands that 20 hours
a day on the Internet is normal.
7. I don't think we should date any more, but
we can still be on each other's buddy lists.
6. I'd like a true beauty so I don't have to
spend so much time photoshopping your ugly face out of our photos.
5. It's like in X-Men number 135, where Cyclops
and Jean Grey (as The Phoenix)...
4. Let's face it. You love Intel, and I'm an
AND man. It's not going to work out.
3. What do you mean your EULA says that once
I've removed the shrink wrap I can't return it?
2. After you e-mailed me your full-body shot,
I realized I was looking
for someone more feminine
1. So long and thanks for all the
fish. |
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Who's
Your Daddy?
The following are all replies that British women
have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's
details. These are genuine excerpts from the forms:
01. Regarding the identity of the father of
my twins; child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity
of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same
night.
02. I am unsure as to the identity of the father
of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from
behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at
the party if this helps.
03. I do not know the name of the father of
my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue, where
I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the
sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father
can you send me his phone number? Thanks.
04. I don't know the identity of the father
of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in
one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this
area and see if he's had it replaced.
05. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting
a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate
and that he is Christ risen again.
06. I cannot tell you the name of child A's
dad, as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have
cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing
right by you and right by the country. Please advise.
07. I do not know who the father of my child
was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal
Green Jacket.
08. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If
you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?
09. From the dates it seems that my daughter
was conceived at Euro Disney maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.
10. So much about that night is a blur. The
only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs
earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather
than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained
unfertilized.
11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father
of my baby; after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which
one made you
fart. |
We are going to start a new breakup card
collection - feel free to add your suggestions and we will implement them
in the next issue! |
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Add Your Own Jokes in our Community Forums or Send
Us an Email and We Will Include Them in Next Month's Issue
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